persuasion To accomplish this, the lawyer needs to avoid mirroring. While the witness is slumped back in the seat looking at the ground, the lawyer may hover or stand rigidly and look intensely at the witness's face. Have you ever noticed or felt the uneasiness when someone stood in the middle of a conversation where everyone was seated? Have you ever experienced the awkwardness of glancing at your watch when you're in the middle of a conversation with someone and they notice? "Breaking the mirror" breaks the synchronization that makes everyone feel calm and comfortable. If you need to break the mirror, simply stop mirroring and sit, speak, or gesture differently from the person you're dealing with. You can create even further distance by altering your demeanor abruptly or suddenly. As you study persuasion, you must realize that connecting with your audience is critical. Many persuaders don't know how to maintain that rapport throughout the entire persuasive situation. You see people in sales break the ice, find similarities, build rapport for the first five minutes, and then launch into their presentation. All of a sudden, they get serious and change their demeanor. What is the prospect going to think? The person he has been talking to for the past five minutes has now changed. Which one is the real person? The two were getting along, having fun, and all of a sudden, without warning, the salesperson becomes serious and dives into a sales pitch. This breaks rapport and seems incongruent to the prospect. You both know why you are there and what the ultimate goal will be, so continue to build on that rapport. Connectivity takes time, research, and practice to master. You need to learn how to read your prospect and your customer. Learn how to determine whether your prospect is relaxed, nervous, confident, or indifferent. The Law of Social Validation The Art of Social Pressure The greatest difficulty is that men do not think enough of themselves, do not consider what it is that they are sacrificing when they follow a herd. -RALPH WALDO EMERSON WE ARE SOCIAL ANIMALS. We all have an innate desire to belong to a social group. It is precisely because we value this sense of belonging so highly that the more other people find an idea, trend, or position appealing or correct, the more correct that idea becomes in our own minds. The Law of Social Validation recognizes and builds on our innate desire to be part ot the main group. It also recognizes that we tend to change our perceptions, opinions, and behaviors in ways that are consistent with group norms.1 Even if we don't admit it, or maybe even realize it, we care about what others think. As such, we use others' behavior as a guide in establishing the standard for the choices and decisions we make. We seek to find out what others are doing as a way of validating our own actions. This method is how we decide what constitutes "correct" behavior. We see the behavior as more correct when we see others doing it. The more people do it, the more correct it becomes. persuasion